I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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