I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
