Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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