I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
third nipple confirmed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
