just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
