Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Farmville is her only friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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