so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
