Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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