I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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