and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
