some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
did i just pee glitter
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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