I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
