I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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