finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
