saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
