I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
