he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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