I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
