Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
