I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
