if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
