so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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