My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
