you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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