Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
love makes seman taste better
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
