I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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