I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
