You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
