I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
