I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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