I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
