I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
