My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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