one might say we're banned from that church
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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