I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
