I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
