That's when you crack a 10am beer
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize
