We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
