let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
