Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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