her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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