The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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