I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
