i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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