I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
