someone threw a dead crab at me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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