hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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