U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
