I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
