Can i not drive my cunt home
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
