you didnt know i had herpes?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
